Spirit of a Man (repost from My Journey Home-Feb 12/12)
I have been thinking alot about my father lately... so he has inspired me to write today. I don't know what I am going to write about but it's a nice quiet Sunday morning and it's been a while since I wrote anything so let's see what I come up with... I thought of you today, just as I do everyday I thought about the times when we would go out on adventures, seemingly leaving our cares behind. I remembered a time that we were driving home in the night and we saw a great light in the sky, you turned to me with a smile and said, "what could that be in the sky ahead?" I was intrigued to explore but it was close to bedtime, you said, "it's ok, it will only take a minute". I watched the wonderment in your eyes and I remember it making me feel so excited... it wasn't until later that I realized what that was but at the time I could barely sit in my seat because the anticipation of what we were going to find was too much to bare. I thank your wonderful spirit for sharing the gift of adventure. I thought of you today, just as I do everyday I thought about the times when I would fall asleep on the couch watching TV with you and I would pretend to stay asleep when you reached around me, picked me up and carried me to my bed. My eyes would be closed and I would keep my body limp so you wouldn't think I was awake and make me walk to my bed. Your warmth and strength to carry me to bed, lay me down, and tuck my blankets over my little body made me feel so loved and cared for as you kissed my cheek and said you loved me even though you thought I was asleep. You would turn and walk to the door, before turning back and checking on me. I would quietly say that I loved you too as you shut the door. I thank your wonderful spirit for sharing the gift of love and kindness. I thought of you today, just as I do everyday I thought about the times we would go fishing together, we would drive all over the place looking for the off beaten path that leads us to fishing creeks and holes that have rarely been fished. You pull up, park and smile and say, "I feel good about this one!" as you got out of the car, got your gear and we both trekked down to the water together. I watched you with amazement and hoped that you were going to catch something to make you smile even more. You would cast off your line and take a seat or sometimes you would stand. If you didn't get any nibbles after the first few casts, you would pack your gear up and say, "I guess this wasn't the one!" You didn't give up as we carried on driving from water hole to water hole not catching a thing half the time until dark came and it was time to go home. You would still be happy even if you didn't catch anything because you enjoyed the adventure of finding a fishing hole and giving it a try. I thank your wonderful spirit for sharing the gift of never giving up and always smiling even if things don't go your way. I thought of you today, just as I do everyday I thought about the times I would go to work with you when you were on call on the weekends. I would get to walk around the mine right behind you while you were checking whatever it was you were checking. We would go to your office and you would let me sit in your chair and color while you worked on whatever you were working on. I felt important being in your chair and remember thinking, someday I would have a chair and a desk and be important just like you were. I would color you a picture and give it to you and then watch you smile at it, then proudly put it on your bulletin board for everyone to see on Monday. I thank your wonderful spirit for sharing the gift of being proud of my accomplishments no matter how big or small. I thought of you today, just as I do everyday I thought about the times you would wake me up on a Sunday morning and tell me that we were going for a drive. I would grab my blanket and a couple of toys to bring with me as I crawled in the backseat of the car and prepared for another long drive to where ever you decided we would end up that day. I remember hating long drives and always getting car sick so most of the time I would just sleep. You would wake me up to ask me what I wanted from Tim Horton's and my answer was always the same, but you always checked just in case I changed my mind that day. We would end up somewhere beautiful on the ocean or in the forest. I thank your wonderful spirit for the gift of appreciating mother earth and all she has to offer. I thought of you today, just as I do everyday I thought about the dark times we had in Venezuela when I would hate to see you come home and cause the pain in my mother's eyes. I would try to ignore the fact that you were not totally with us at this time and try to make the best of the situation not only for myself but for my mother who was hurting so much. I didn't see your smile anymore and wondered where you had gone. You had lost your adventure, your kindness, your smile, your pride, yourself. I was mourning the loss of the spirit of the man that had taught me so much and wished that you would just come back to us. It wasn't until we left that you realized what you lost, you were going to find yourself again and I am sure you would have come back to us but Creator had other plans for you. I thank your wonderful spirit for sharing the gift of pain and hurt and most of all, forgiveness. I thought of today, just as I do everyday I thought about the times that I feel you with me, listening to my worries and making sure I know you are there for me. I think about all the great things you have taught me and wonder if I have made you proud throughout the years. It's been almost 18 years since you left us, I can't believe it's been so long... so many things have happened in my life since then that may not have happened had I not experienced your teachings in life and in death. I know you are proud of me, and my brothers too. I continue to feel your strength, warmth, love, kindness and your smile as your spirit sits beside me through every happy and sad moment in my life. I thank your wonderful spirit for carrying on in me and in my boy who carries your name. I love you very much Daddy and will never forget these teachings from such a wonderful spirit of a man.