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Three years sober

Three! I am three 🥳🥳🥳

Three years alcohol free.

Thank you for being part of my life for the time you have been here. It truly teaches me and changes me with every interaction and connection that I have with each of you. I am eternally grateful to continue to grow and glow more and more into the light to share with you.

Being in the darkness was my greatest gift because when I healed from my pain and trauma that I experienced throughout my life, I realized how beautiful this one life can be. I chose to stop the suffering, I chose to begin to feel the pain instead of stuffing it or covering it up with food and alcohol. It was a messy, ugly, twisted journey that continues but when I came out of my cocoon... I realized how much love and energy I had to give to myself and others. I realized that I was worthy and deserving of a good life instead of the feelings of guilt, shame and frustrations I was desperately trying to escape from.

A beautiful woman told me, “don’t quit before the magic happens” and I didn’t know what that meant, I kept waiting for this magic to happen... I was still waiting for it when I suddenly realized that I already had it. It really was magic ... my thoughts, my mind, my body, my spirit had magically been freed from a prison that I had put myself in for years and just kept building thicker and bigger walls around myself because nobody would ever want to love me for who I truly am... so I thought I had to hide behind a fake smile, behind a glass of wine, behind a body I didn’t treat well at all.

I thought, the way to stay safe was to continue to protect myself from repeating old pain, but I was only blocking myself in to continue to the cycle of pain and not allowing it out. I attracted more pain and suffering by keeping myself there. Not knowing I had to release it to heal from it. Magically, as I released the ways I was coping and allowing myself to feel the pain... as scary as it was... it moved through me and overflowed as the walls started to crumble down and around me. I was waking up to my true self, the light started to flow in, all the dark spaces were filling up with love, gratitude... the version of myself that I spoke terrible things to was receiving kindness that before this I was constantly seeking outside of myself. It was here within me the whole time. The more kindness I had within my self, the more I could truly share with others without any expectations of anything in return... because I already have it all... it was all here, the whole time.

As the love and light continued to flow in like water, it eroded the walls slowly sometimes and other times levelled them like a tsunami wave. Today it’s without question that I am completely alive in the magic of the light every single day. There is not a drop of hate, disgust, shame, guilt, anger or resentments in my being. Even when I am hurt or sad, I move through it quickly and send love to the places that needs it.

I know the journey never ends, but everytime I step closer to the light... I’m in awe of the beautiful gifts I receive the more and more I give. My Creator guides my way, my daily conscious contact practice helps me to remove that which does not serve me and accept what I need to help another each day.

My mother lived 70 years on this planet and had these beautiful gifts of generosity, love and care for each and every person, place and memory in her life. I enveloped these characteristics the day she left our Earth Mother for spirit world and returned to the stars while I made a promise that I will never ever waste another breath on something of low vibrations or negativity. I stand by those words every single day that I rise from my bed. Grateful that I was given another day to serve the highest good of all creation. Surrendering my free will that tends to lead me astray and trusting in my guidance that comes from the heart.

I have lost people because of it, not just friends but family too, in my endless pursuit of my truth and sharing my journey of love. Sometimes because I no longer feed into hate, sometimes because my light, happiness and joy triggers a fear within them, sometimes the change of my entire being makes them uncomfortable and unknowing how to evolve to a new relationship with me, sometimes they have to create a version of me to dislike to make themselves feel better. Regardless of what happened between us, I’m always grateful it happened. Because every single time I learn something more about myself and something I may still have to heal. And I leave it with prayers for their healing too. Even if they judge me behind closed doors or out in the open... it’s none of my business, I cannot allow this to shake me as it once had, deferring me from my soul purpose... to be love, give love and receive love.

Someone once said that the reward for a good life is a good life... and damn, if that isn’t the best representation of my life. Live a good life, have a good life. I know that deeper than I’ve ever known for all of my 41 years. I do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it for without those lessons... I’d still be living in the dark.

Prayers to you and yours, my dream for you is to release, surrender and trust the path that lies ahead and know that everything, everything no matter what, is going to be okay. Everything you need is within you, right here, right now.

I am dedicating this one to my girl Tee Goeson. She fought hard to have these gifts of sobriety and sadly lost her battle but I know she is free from the pain and so happy now. This ones for you babe!

Please reach out if you need help, you are never alone!

Live life, love life, live free. I love you xo

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